Have you ever talked with someone or asked a question and received an answer that didn’t make sense? It was offensive and stirred up some angry feelings. Perhaps you were doing something you normally do, but this time someone gave some suggestions on how to do it better, and you found yourself getting bristled by their suggestions. This could happen at work, home, or any place. This has happened to me, and I found myself being defensive or saying something I shouldn’t.
The Bible is very clear about not responding right away in anger. James 1:19-20 says, ” Ye know this, my beloved brethren. But let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” Proverbs 17:28 says, ” Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.” I have heard many sermons, devotions, and podcasts and have read these verses. I have memorized Bible verses talking about our speech. Yet, I find myself being defensive when given an answer or suggestion that offends me.
God is working in me in this area of my life. I am beginning to realize that there is a common factor in almost every one of these situations. That factor is, “This is not what it seems!” You may say, what are you talking about? I am saying something deeper is going on in that person’s life, and that answer or suggestion is their way of dealing with their feelings. In a way, it’s a cry for help. They may not realize that at the time.
I also realized that the person knows you love them unconditionally and you are someone who is safe to share their feelings and problems with. I truly wish I could say I realize this when it does happen instead of coming back with a comment that should not have been said.
Ironically it happened to me this morning. My mom, my sister, and I were talking about breakfast. My sister asked my mom a question, and my mom gave her an answer that I thought I needed to defend my sister and her actions. Oh, if I only would think before I speak! If I could freeze time for just 5 minutes, bite my tongue, and think of why she answered the question as she did. I am swift to hear, but that slow to speak kills me almost every time. Later, my sister and I discussed what had happened, and it hit me. How was my mom feeling, not physically, but emotionally? I knew she was feeling a little depressed because of the wintery weather. She hadn’t seen my brother for over four days, which affected her. She had made the remark the day before that she hated getting old. Maybe she felt like she could not do the activities that she used to be able to do. Things like walking without a walker and wheelchair or making her own food. Let’s face it, if I lost my ability to walk, make my own food, take a shower, and even write with a steady hand, I, too, would get depressed.
My sister’s God-given gift is serving. She takes care of my mom while I am working part-time. She has the patience of Job. She talks with her mom, finding out what she wants to eat. She slows down and takes her time. Whereas on the days I have to work, I am in overdrive. I force myself to slow down. I try to eat breakfast with her unless I have to leave early for work. One way to cheer her up is to talk about “Good Old Days.” She loves sharing the story about her and my dad’s meeting and marriage. Recalling stories from her past and sharing them with others reminds her that God controls everything that happens in our lives and that He still has a plan and purpose for our lives.
Not What It Seems! This is something that I am working on in my life. I must first pray, asking God to control my mouth and emotions. Then I need to ask Him for wisdom on whether I should say something or wait until later. I must also show grace and be kind. Doesn’t Jesus do that to us when we go to Him angry and upset when something that we do not like comes into our lives? If He gave us what we deserve, we would be in Hell.
Let’s remember, “It’s NOT What It Seems!”
